Sunday, January 29, 2006

Rasta Mon Howard, PM, sledges West Indies Cricket Captain Blunderball

What's this world coming to? Hatred here, hatred there, hatred hatred everywhere. Seen here is something just released from the national archives, formerly hidden from pub[l]ic view because of national security reasons.

Windies cricket captain, batsman par excellence, Shivnarine Chanderpaul shares a light moment with sports buff Aussie PM, John Howard

Australian Prime Minister, John Howard seems to be giving Shivnarine Chanderpaul a taste of his own medicine. We had to edit out the expletive-laced line where Howard threatened to get Amanda Vanstone to drag Chanderpaul to Woomera, or even worse, get DIMIA to deport the poor fellow.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Sheep Can Wait, Says Crazy Billy

Ricky Ponting and Billy Bowden
Seems like Rianna Ponting, Australian cricket captain, Ricky Ponting's law graduate blonde-bombshell wife whipped up a 7 course meal for anti-Aussie "elite" umpire, New Zealander, Billy Bowden. But our friend Ricky seems to forget that only he's got a day off from the cricket - not Bowden!

Something's wrong with these Kiwis - when a hot chick [who cares if she's married] invites me to go grazing with her, I put a stop to my world, just for her. Just for her. Billi, you're a pussy [for our English readers, Billi=Pussycat in Hindi].

Happy Australia Day mateys.
This Australia Day, lets roast umpires instead of traditional meats, because honestly, they're becoming pains in the asses. Where's a serial killer when you need one?

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Android Le Gruff

Yes people, we need a breather from cricket.

During the course of my medicationsmeditations [!@&^#$(*@# Freudian slips], I had a vision, a JPEG manifestation of which was done by some anonymous soul, may his tribe increase, a`la Abou Ben Adam.

Andre Graf

If their child will grow up into anything like this, I think Steffi Graf and Andre Agassi are better off keeping it hidden, much like Michael Jackson does with his little angels.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Pansy Crony, Shaun (not of the dead) Bullock In Guerilla-style Abduction :-O

Shaun Pollock being forcibly airlifted by Hansie Cronje's Ghost, with an unidentified cricket player trying to save  the Bullock.

Background musique: "Take Me Away" by 4 Strings.

You gotta hand it to these guys - they make American spy satellites aka "eye in the sky" seem like retro machines with Stevie Wonder vision. Yes people, I'm talking about the underground cookery and spygames channel, Al Jeera [The Cumin]. They share the strangest images with PotPol [not related to Pol Pot of Cambodia], an up-and-coming rival to Interpol. "Rookie", yeah, that's what we sporty people call it, right?

Seen here is former South African cricket captain, and supposed all-rounder[huh, what, him?], Shaun Pollock being kidnapped by the ghost of disgraced match-fixer, and captain-par-excellence, Hansie Cronje's ghost. An unidentified South African player, said to be Hansie's long-lost cousin, Nicky Boje, is trying to save Shaun from Hansie's fate.

First, match-fixing, then racist abuse, then, the icons behaving badly [the only people we like behaving badly are hot chicks, OKAY], and now, guerilla style kidnappings! Yessir, cricket is the truest representation of demoncracy.

The blurred carrier number is the cause of sloppy photo-editing, and not some hidden agenda. I swear upon whoever you value most. Hence, we are unable to verify who funded the chopper hire. You can flip a coin and decide. ICC vs Matchfixers [criminal betting syndicates].

Hold on a sec.

They're one and the same.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Dig Your Own Hole [© Chemical Brothers]

Soreass Gaandguly

Observer A) Former Indian cricket captain, Saurav Ganguly digs his own grave. What I wanted to ask is - isn't this what he's been upto for the past 4 months anyway? The public demands to know when he will finally be put to rest.

Also, notice his squeaky clean tracksuit - its a new sports fabric, specially developed by the scientists at Porkistan's nuclear facility, wherever that might be . THIS (clean tracksuit) is NOT, as is rumored, because Ganguly does next to nothing in the cricket field. Please give credit to Pakistani UNclear/Nuclean scientists where it is due.

Because they steal most of their technology anyway, they have all the time in the world to work on things like mud-resistant tracksuits, which also come in handy when you're invited to a conference with the now-underground Dr. Abdul Qadir Khan.

Observer B) Soreass Goonguly decides to dig up the cricket pitch after yet another miserable display of batting. But then again, Goonguly being Goonguly, we didn't expect any different. Temper, temper!

Just a word of advice, Soreass - there's no ghost in the machine.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Turncoat Team India (Cricket) Supporters

Okay, so India had an awful first two days in the first cricket Test against Pakistan, with the Porkies declaring at 679/7. Amongst the centurions were YouPiss Khan, MoHammered YouStuff, SuckShit AfroDi and CameraMan Akmal. Yes, even the bloody cameraman scored a century. So obviously, the Indian bowlers were bowling like ME!

But this coating of tricolours with green paint- this is uncalled for. How dare die-hard Indian fans turn against the very cricket team they were born to support, and paint their flags green. I'm green - with disgust, of the vomiting kind. What pisses me off even more is that they've used bloody high quality distemper produced by Asian Faints. And look at that boy in the extreme left - he's got even more green paint. What is this? Alien Nation?

And what's next I ask? Are you guys gonna convert to Islam like Mohammed Yousuf aka Yousuf Youhanna?? Huh? That boy with the hedgehog-head sure looks like a likely candidate.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Of Dawood, ISI, Crime, and Cricket , featuring CarThief Phatel and Soreass Goonguly

Pakistan is home to Dawood Ibrahim. As is customary for any and every major celebrity visiting the great pig farm, Porkistan, Dawood hosted a bacon and ham buffet for his infidel visitors, Parthiv Patel and Sourav Ganguly, only to prove he's not a religious zealot. I applaud Da_Wood - he's the coolest desi nigger around.

Parthiv Patel and Saurav Ganguly having a quiet word about their individual futures in the Indian cricket team...

Cosa-Nostra-Damn-Us, the mafiosi soothsayer wrote this quatrain...

What the Dickens
The Plot Thickens
Car Thief and the Bong Goon
Will Lunch With Da Hood In The Noon.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Coach Greg Chappell To Morph Into A Sacred Football!

Crazed Bengali soccer fans have urged the Board of Control for Cricket In India to hire ISRO and udder scientists to assist in creating a soccer ball made from Graaaag Chapel, holy shit.

Kick Out Grag Chapel. Bloody Christians.

Yes, they want to skin him alive, and then create a true Communist foosball. Please Greg, come back to Australia. You don't want to be another Graham Staines, Padma Shri notwithstanding.

I really like people like this - they save me the 5 odd minutes I waste on image manipulation and adding silly taglines to sillier pictures.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Raj Singh Dungarpur To Run For US Presidency In 2008 as Democratic Candidate

Raj Singh Dungarpur, Manager of the Indian Cricket Team

It has come to Cow Tse Tung Sporting Vignettes Inc's notice that the Democratic party of the US will be outsourcing the presidential candidate's job to India in the 2008 elections, keeping in line with global cost-cutting measures, and finding cheaper alternatives for positions that don't make much of a difference to our world anyway. They have earmarked Mr. Raj Singh Dungarpur (it is NOT "DANGAR" {animal} much as I might insist it is) of the Board of Control for Cricket in India [BCCI] as a possible candidate, keeping in mind his exceptional administrative and political experience, and his ability to go retract his own statements with so much ease, that people often wonder if "The Dangar" has a conscience at all.

After Aishwarya's role as an extra in some nondescript Hollywood flick, here's a real reason for the global Indian diaspora to cheer for! Yes! Hip Hip Hoozah!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

What Makes Anil Kumble Such A Great Catcher?

Anil Kumble trying hard not to let the cricket ball scare the hell out of him

Over the past few years, one of life's greatest pleasures has been watching the markedly improved efforts of the Indian cricket team on the fielding front. Seen here is superstar legspinner, Anal Krumbly, trying to scare the ball away instead of letting the ball have the - uh - upper hand, y'know.