Cow Tse Tung's Sporting Vignettes

Why Animal Lovers Should Support Cricket...

2007-03-04T12:29:00.000+09:00

Disclaimer: This is a pubic service massage.
Here is Kevin.
Kevin Pietersen.
He is a rare ~~cocksucker~~ cockatoo from remote South Africa who was brought over to England because of his uncanny ability as a ~~battyboy~~batsman. A birdie batsman, you might ask? Yes, as long as you're not a duck, you're in luck.

Watch cricket. Save endangered species like Kevin, the ~~cocksucker~~ "Cockatoo" Pietersen.

Mohammed Yousuf And The Cross Of Changes

2007-03-04T11:45:00.000+09:00

The batsman formerly known as Yousuf Youhana might not realize it, but converting to Islam and walking around looking like an Osama Bin Laden clone isn't the key to his recent batting success. No sir, no bowler's intimidated by your Osama look, bar the Aussie pace quartet, who, in recent times, find even #10 dummies a handful to contend with.

Anyway, if you look carefully at this picture, you will see that Mohammed Yousuf might have given the Christianity the boot, but Jebus Christ always watches over him. I think Jebus might have an obsessive personality. Like me. Now, I'm off to chart a strategy on how I'm going to convert Jebus into a cow-worshipping Hinjew.

Who Wants Kookaburra When You Can Have A Crystal Ball?

2007-02-18T12:25:00.000+09:00

Pictured above are Anil Kumble, who works really hard on his bowling, and his hence a consistent performer, and Sachin Tendulkar, who's too busy doing other stuff, and hence only manages a decent performance every 10 matches or thereabouts. Seen here is Tendulkar consulting a crystal ball to gauge his chances at the 2007 Cricket World Cup in the West Indies. Before you pass judgment on him, remember - Tendulkar wasn't very well educated, since he was too busy scoring ducks in international cricket. Scoring ducks, you heard me right. Some like the sheep (Fleming, Oram?), but some just love the ducks. Peking duck, Peeping Tom....ah, brings back some old memories.

But yeah, as I was braying, this guy's so dumb that he still can't tell "the" golden goose from a not-so-golden duck.

Zero G Bopara, and Paul Nixon, the Great Anchor

2007-02-18T11:59:00.000+09:00

As you can tell, Cow Tse Tung isn't the happiest chappy around, after Australia's dismal losses to the Pommies and the Kiwi. No more Pom jokes. I'll even spare the sheepfuckers. And definitely no Aussie players on this blog for a while. Yes. Aussie cricket boycott.

Right, first, we see the supposedly athletically challenged Monty Panesar, on cloud nine. Paul Nixon tries to emulate the new Flying Sikh (with all due respect to the real Flying Sikh, Milkha Singh) but fails miserably. 'White men can't jump', they say. Also, this might be because of the "heavy water" within Nixon. As you can see, he is clearly a Chernobyl survivor. His teeth say it all in the above picture. He's like a beacon behind the stumps, guiding the bowlers using his neon glow.

But this guy Nixon, he might be a shit batsman and a radioactive freak, yet is a great motivator. He's utilizing the Indian connection to the maximum, as next on, another player of Indian origin, Ravi Bopara is caught defying gravity, and Nixon seems to be the driving force behind him. The roles have reversed. The Indians are seeking spiritual guidance from the West, and gurus like Nixon are helping us curries levitate. ARGH. I don't find any humor in cricket since Australia lost. Sobs. Goodbye pretty world.

Of Duntroon and Sandhurst and a Certain General Monty

2007-02-18T11:37:00.000+09:00

Pictured above is British cricket star, and spinner par excellence, Monty Panesar, dropping a 100 at the orders of his coach after his umpteenth misfield to background music by The Midfield General, after which a decision was taken by the CTT Bored of Directors to rename him as "The Misfield General". Very apt.

Who Needs Comedies When We Have Cricket?

2007-01-13T20:17:00.000+09:00

Hey kids, turn off your toons.Hey adults, turn off your sitcoms, skits, and whathaveyous.
Cricket is 360 degree entertainment now.

On Thursday, Missus Cow Tse Tung, who's not really a cow, but can be one when she's in a not-so-good mood took me to Youtube and showed me the real reason (and it definitely was bronchitis) why Brett Lee missed the first ODI game of the Commonwealth Bank (DIE CBA DIE) series against that pitiful excuse for a cricket team, England. Yessir, the bitter truth was exposed to me, right before our season-opening one-dayer. Twat Lee was away, in quest of Liz Kemp, Mark Deux, in tandem with matchmaker, and screechy BollyWoof bitch, Ass-uh Boo-Sleigh (post-Christmas carol time). It was possibly the worst romantic number I have ever heard in my life, and I think even Medusa would turn down Adonis were he to serenade her with a song like this.

Yo Brett, if you sing shitty songs like this, I'm not too shocked you end up with bronchitis. Even pests and bacteria and bugs find tracks like that highly annoying. First, you have INXS, who come up with a classy Indo-Aussie vid...and then Twat Lee And Asha Bhosle wreck it all.

Then, on Friday, I came back from work, hoping to see England put up a decent fight against the Aussies, but what do I get to see? Reports of Mcgrath breaking Pietersen's ribs. The stupid fuck was giving McGrath the charge AGAIN, and this time, he got what he's deserved for over a month now. If you thought that was enough, no sir. You had to watch England's innings. Flintoff, first over, gives wides I can't even keep a count of. The keeper, Paul Nixon - no relation to my idol and fellow slimeball, Richard Nixon - freaking dives AFTER the ball has passed him. No worries matey. You can still redeem yourself yet.

What do I see next? A magic fumble. The keeper is looking at say 5 ft height, when the ball strikes him a bit above his pads. Ouch.

OKAY! Still no worries...what could go worse?

Next on, as I await that great redemption, what does Nixon go and do? He dives in front of first slip, trying to take the ball, but instead ensures Australia get a 4 off yet another Flintoff wide.

Seems like Panesar didn't want to be left out of the fun. He's my favorite cricketer these days, and that's mainly coz he's such a simpleton. I love his no-frills, no ego, competitive attitude. What I can't get is his fielding. First up, he nearly trips Sajid Mahmood as they head back to their positions after saving a boundary, and then, instead of going for a catch, like a true Indian, he waits for the ball to bounce, lest he injure his dainty hands. You're an international cricketer - try and convert those half-chances. Catching the ball won't hurt that much. ARGH! I take back my ARGH, actually - it reminded me of people I played cricket with as a kid, and how me, being Jonty Rhodes incarnate, or thereabouts, going, "the ball's not gonna eat ya, pussy. Get your paws to EAT ze BALL". No double entendre, please.

Nuff' said. I turned the TV off after a hearty, healthy laugh, and went back to listen to my favorite new song...Asha Bhosle featuring Brett Lee in "You Are The One For Me". Disgusting.

I dare you to watch it right here, right now, and disagree with my assessment...and don't stone me for putting this up - curries are actually buying enough copies of the single to make it a chartbuster back in my former motherland.

Barmy Harmy Working On His Fitness

2006-12-27T21:05:00.000+09:00

Man, I truly thought Steve Harmison had more to him than he's shown us on this tour. I mean, I've been his fitness trainer for months now. We've been lifting candy floss and flossing our teeth non-stop to prepare for this very Ashes series. And now, our collective dream is in shambles. Damn those Aussies. Let me show you a picture of my beloved Harmy diligently undergoing my acclaimed fitness program for cricketers...

He's NOT busting a cheerleader move. For God's sake, you ignoramuses and hippopotamuses. A song comes to mind..."Candy Perfume Girl" by the evergreen crackhoe, Madonna.

So, on the day that we hear of Shane Warne's definite and Glenn McGrath's tentative retirement plans, what does Steve Harmibum go and do? He announces he's "retiring" from ODIs. Correct me if I'm mistaken, but he's just 28, right? All my years of hard work and toil have gone down the drain. I was hoping Harmy would show some grit and determination, and master the art of ODI bowling. But well...

England, like India is a team that rewards mediocrity, because excellence is unknown, or requires way too much movement away from one's comfort zones. Look at Pakistan. Afridi "retires" from Tests, and he gets dropped from the ODI squad. Gotta earn your stripes son, gotta earn your stripes.

Why We Had To Send Back Irfan Pathan Instead of Sachin Tendulkar

2006-12-27T18:35:00.000+09:00

Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys...(that's my attempt at sounding like a Virgin Blue stewardess), Irfan Pathan is being deported from South Africa for scoring a 100 and a 40 n.o. in a tour-turning game before the current Test Series. He doesn't have any godfathers sitting in Parliament House, New Delhi, so you see, there's no political outcry over his exclusion from the team.

I'll answer that one, THANK YOU!
'Coz you bat like Danny Morrison with a wrist injury.

Initially, Cow Tse Tung Sexurity CystStems (not related to Cow Tse Tung Sound System) was hired to handcuff and drag the terribly out of form Suckshit Tenderrer (no relation to cricket-lovin' Roger Federer) back to the dark alleys of Mumbai, where BDSM, sodomy and gilli-danda(1) rate amongst people's favorite and favored pastimes. But the Bored of Crickets (and other pesky pests) Control of India aka BCCI forewarned us of the political fallout (think SoreAss Googly), and the potential quagmire that would've/could've followed, and our preemptive, forward-thinking move saved many a city in India from imminent riots. So we just had to settle for the Muslim kid, Irfan PotPan being sent back home to clean the pots and the pans. We should be looking into opening tailender, VrrrrrEnder Sehwag's case once we clear our backlog, fear not. His lack of form has been very annoying. Axe the fatass already.

-------------------------------------

I am VERY angry at the stupid pansy faggot poof homo gay battyboy who was searching for "Andrew Symonds+GAY" and arrived at my wonderful blog, courtesy of Gaygle, the gay Google. Look, you sneaky little turd, Symonds might've fucked England in the rear, but he ain't gay. But you can wank to his pictures. He gives you his express permission through his Agent La Sexual Affaires` , i.e. myself. Which reminds me, Symonds scored his first Test century today. 154 n.o. at close of play. I'm SO proud of him. His average now stands at 26+, courtesy of the undefeated knock. You deserved it matey. Cool runnings.

Footnotes:
(1) Gilli Danda could also mean Adam Gilchrist's Prostitution Business. Gilly, or Gilli= Adam Gilchrist, superman wicketkeeper in Australian slang. Dhanda=Business (usually of the dodgy variety) in Hindi.

Great Cricketing Minds Stink Alike

2006-12-25T12:02:00.000+09:00

Man, after the 2005 Ashes, everybody would go on and on about human beer-cask, Man-brew Glintoff's cricketing genius, and coach Dunkin' Donuts Stretcher's coaching wizardry. I was getting sick of it, until this Ashes series, when the glint off Glintoff's supposed cricketing brilliance wore off. And what made me even happier was Coach Dunkin's team requiring stretchers, after their comprehensive defeats. Very satisfying. Revenge, sweet, revenge.

Anyway, so there have been recent news reports about Coach Dunkin' Donuts and Captain Glint-off not seeing eye to eye on matters as diverse as selection...and ummm...selection. Cases in example are wicketkeeper, Chris Steed, Monty Dancer (not stripper), and whoever else they brought over from England (and they did bring a fair number of players over). This picture clearly proves that the Coach and the Captain have the same thing on their minds - so why all this crap about not thinking alike etc.?

Grunt Moans Bitter In Victoria

2006-12-25T11:43:00.000+09:00

I've been really busy playing massive DJ mixes to myself and my goldfish. In the time I've been away, I find that other cricket blogs are now using the same image distortion techniques as myself to try and match my notoriety. Look mates, cricket blogs are meant to be dignified, with this one being the sole exception to the case. Cow Tse Tung very angry. But that's another story for another day.

Today, we see England's extraordinarily ordinary wicket-keeper, Grunt Moans, in his new role as beer-keeper for the Barmy Army. His luck has finally run out on him, as has Coach Dunkin' Stretcher. So, as he watches the English squad prepare for the 4th Ashes Test, Geraint, bitter in Victoria, holds a Victoria Bitter (possibly the worst tasting beer on Earth, excuse my patriotism). I'd distort and twist and make even more fun of Geraint Jones' name, but I don't really know how to pronounce it. Ignorance is bliss and a whole let less work w.r.t. compiling posts like this.

Pakistan Cricket's Never Ending Romance With Sex, Drugs, and Sushi Rolls

2006-12-11T18:39:00.000+09:00

Mate, as me, and Elton John (and you'll see in a moment why Elton is so critical to this post) always say, back when we were young warthogs, did Imran Khan have the time of his life or what! Not only did he ummm, screw the Jew (Jewmima Goldsmith, distant relative of Shylock the money-lender), but he also managed to play good, hard cricket under the influence. We can't go into any details of what this "influence" refers to, but hey, you're as smart as I am, so go figure.

Then there was Wasim FuckRum. The man with the shortest run-up for a pace bowler. I always thought he had a lovely wife, and a great marriage, until I heard this on the radio a few weeks back, on the Hamish and Andy show (92.9 FM in Perth, or podcast-able online):

Hamish and Andy: So what celebrity have you pashed AFTER they were famous?Random female caller: I pashed Wasim Akram, the Porkistani cricketer, about 2 years back.

And take my word for it, Wasim's wifey don't have no Aussie accent, mate.

Anyway, so after all these sex scandals involving Pakistani cricketers, I wasn't very surprised when I saw this picture on Cricinfo.com:

Yes, that's the disgraced drug-implicated Porkistani fast bowler, Shoaib Chuck-thar, with physio, Darryn Lifson, in what they're saying is a physiotherapy session. NO, they're not trying to pump out drugs from Shoaib. And they are definitely not indulging in sodomy. That kinda shit is looked down upon in Porkistan, despite the million and one cases of gay rape that occur there. No sir, we do not condone such behaviour. Which is why we had to "ban" Shoaib from cricket for 2 years. The problem wasn't drug related - the problem was that he was becoming too addicted to carnal indulgences with Caucasian men. Just like Imran, except for his sexuality. I mean, at least Imran picked feminine White men like that transvestite, Jemima Goldsmith.

What I'm kinda disappointed about is that Shoaib isn't the manly, controling stud I thought he was - instead, as we can see from his facial expressions, he quite enjoys being the bitch. Damn bottom.

Sachin Tendulkar's Changing Role In The Indian Cricket Team

2006-12-03T19:35:00.000+09:00

So, on a recent astral projection trip to India, the Australian cricket Grape Chappal, big fan of wine, and also currant Indian cricket coach was telling me about how much Sachin's role in the Indian cricket team has changed.

While the media and myself comfortably assumed this he was talking about Sachin's "role" in the team, little did we realize that he meant Sachin's been making rolls for the team. Since the guy doesn't score runs, and refuses to bowl, they figured they'd still retain him in the team as their official hot dog vendor [the guy owns a restaurant in Mumbai, yo], which in turn means that their Pepsi sponsorship wasn't lost because of non-performance on the field. Masters of marketing, I tell ya. The BCCI should be a management consultancy, specializing in turnarounds.

And Then There Was Steve Harmison and Some Disgraceful Ball Tamponing

2006-12-03T18:13:00.000+09:00

I've been too busy watching Australia fucking whip England, so, apologies for this delayed Ashes coverage...

As if this whole Shane Warne moob incident wasn't scandalous enough, we then captured Steve Harmison trying that whole Ball Tamponing business by using his lactating breasts to squirt some of his erm, FLUIDS on to the cricket ball. This game is no longer a gentleman's game...all these boobs and lactation. I feel lactose intolerant. Darn that. Never thought I'd say this - go away Pamela Anderson wannabes. :-(

Shane Warne Fondling His Moobs...

2006-12-03T17:53:00.000+09:00

Man, what a disgrace of a cricket match. England rendered Shane in the ass Warne ineffective, or so they'd like to believe, and their teddy-bear of a bowler, Matthew Hughard is the most successful of the bowlers.

But here, at Cow Tse Tung Centre for Sports Anal-i-Cys(t), we have found out the real reason as to why Shane couldn't perform to his optimum. The team had a blanket ban on sex, and Warne, as we very well know, can't function without, erm, functioning. His ball release depends on his erm, release. Damn this chick...behind every failing man is a, erm, WENCH (for want of a politer word). Damn Warney, stop playing with ze moobs.

Apple Muralitharan (no relation to Apple Martin)

2006-11-15T22:29:00.000+08:00

Did you know that Mutthiah Muralitharan is so dedicated to the art of spin bowling that even his fruit-eating - apples deserve a particular mention here - involves cutters, doosras, flipperzzz (my pet dolphin, who's a celebrity in his own right), and chucking. Sample this...

Here's a Murali anecdote for all you little chucker-wannabes...
Back when I was a famous cricket player, my mother invited Murali over for dinner. So Murali takes a seat, and next thing I know, my mother's upset about his lousy table manners, so much that she starts singing,
"Son, Son, strong and able
Put your elbows off the table".
The guy doesn't get the hint, and starts humming some random Sri Lankan folk song. Like I want to listen to Ceylonese folk songs. Give us a break mate!
And what does Muralitharan go and do next when I ask him to shut the funk up? He complains about racist behaviour from his hosts, i.e. my family. The Sri Lankan board then hires and bribes a poor biomechanics professor from University of Western Australia's renowned sport science department who sends us a 1000 page quasi-thesis on why Murali's arms were on the table, and how he wasn't breaking any established norms, citing a birth defect as the reason for it all.

DARRELL HAIR LONG LIVE.
For telling it like it is.

Porky Pigs

2006-10-10T19:01:00.000+08:00

Damn man, these Porkistani cricketers are worse than that dude John Kerry, who was dishing out free Heinz Big Red tomato sauce (he imported it from Australia, dumbasses) to people in 2004 A.D., in order to get their support for his bid for presidentship of the United States. The dude even splurted some Big Red on his military uniform and then asked me to doctor his Vietnam pictures so people would think the dogs of war, whatever that means, bit him and made him rabid enough to desert the world's greatest barmy army, the US (b)Army. HUA? HUA! (I'm still suffering from a Black Hawk Down Hangover.)

First, InstamomUl Hugs throws a tantrum because the dumbpire, Barrel of (pubic) Hair decides Instamom was responsible for his band of fast bowlers tamponing the ball. You might ask what Ball Tamponing is...well kids, its this practice of rubbing your balls and then the cricket ball with uh, used tampons from the biohazard wastebins. Disgusting, isn't it? I'm with Dumbpire Hair on this one - cricket doesn't need menstrual blood on Kookaburras. This world is sexualized enough. Leave cricket alone. Ban the likes of Mandira Baby from even watching cricket, uh, YO!

Anyway, seen here are Pakistani cricket coach, Bob Woolmer, the Walrus, and the now-you-see-me-now-you-don't Younis Khan. Last year it was Greg Chappal vs Soreass Gaandguly. This year, we have Scarier Khan Vs. YouPiss Khan.

And if you think I'm a faux-psychologist, bite me - coz, I've said this ages back - Younis Khan is unfit to captain an international cricket team. Q.E.D., Cow Tse Tung M.D. is greater than Singhmund Fried.

All You People Don't Believe, In Di Ah We Got De Bob Sled Team

2006-09-26T22:26:00.000+08:00

Yeh kids, 'tis common knowledge Cow Tse Tung is a closeted, marijuana smoking Rastafarian. Why rasta? 'Coz cannabis ain't sinful dis way mon.

Now since I waste all my mooney on marijuana, I obviously can't watch live telecasts of cricket happening around the world, 365 days a year. But, I do manage to sneak into dem government libraries and check out the scores on sites like BBSingh and CricMofo. CricMofo, what a motherfuckin' cool cricket site man.

Anyway, so after India's recent DLF Cup debacle in Malaysia, I hear the selecta (pump up de volume, Mr DJ) has decided that the Indian cricket team be retrained, reskilled, and sent off to the Winter Olympics as the first Indian bob sled team. Now, now, I know what you're thinking. Jamaica's been there, done that. Cool Runnings, fantastic Hollywood flick. They ain't copying no one, bro. Its the rasta fad. Look at me, nice former curry, currently wannabe-Jamaican. Similarly, our trendy cricketers wanna be cool too, literally, not figuratively speaking. And I, as a top notch bobsled coach, have always believed cricketers will make great bobsledgers. I mean, sledging is in our blood. We're used to giving the best downhill (ah, what irony!) performances known in sporting history, and we're known for our groupism (4 to a sled sounds great) and we love playing in new countries, where nobody's even heard of cricket. At least as bobsledders, they'll know we're real sportspersons.

All I can say is, sing that great ~~Jamaican~~ Indian soccer chant from World Cup 98, "Rise Up, In Di AHHHHHHHHHH". Or maybe not. I think I'm sledding into a state of sleep, so let me play my favorite lullaby, Bentley Rhythm Ace's Ride Your Sleigh - and NO, you may NOT FUNKIN' ride MOI SLAIYE`. I'm an athlete, this is expensive gear we're talkin' 'bout. NO< absolutely NOT!

Tigger, the Nigger Woods To Release New Old Track!

2006-09-12T19:35:00.000+08:00

Y'know kids, back in the mid 90s was a rock band fronted by a nigger, just like me. Yeh, back in tha day, I was called Mixmaster Mike, just like the dude on the Beastie Boys' albums. So one day, not long after I gave up rescratching scratched singles, I was watching MTV, looking for inspiration. What do I see? A nigger, just like me, playing heavy fucking metal. Well, it was heavy metal to my sugarpop-tuned ears bro. So yeh, these dudes called Hootie and the Blowfish were playing a track called Only Wanna Be With You, with some fantastic golf commentary in the background. And this track was like rock 'n' roll bhangra, because it used lyrics by my favorite bhangra artiste mon, the venerable Bob Dhillon!

That song, was not only my inspiration to become a headbanger, bro. It also set another famous nigger, like myself, on the path to fame. Yes, Tigger Woods it was, and now, he's repaying his debt to his Teddy Bear, POOH, who was always by his side when little Tigger wasn't as famous, and was constantly wetting his bed by singing that crazyass choon, nigga.

So hear dis, people in da house. "Only Wanna Pee With Pooh" by Hootie and the Blowfish ft Tiger - I mean, TIGGER Woods!!

What?! The Pakis Wanna Blow Daryl Harper?

2006-09-10T16:22:00.000+08:00

Man, tell you what - this cricket series between England and Pakistan has been really bitter. But Daryl Harper, he's a man who believes in equality, and doesn't judge Pakis by their color, beliefs, fundamentalism, or sexual perversions. Or maybe he does, because he thinks the Mullah wants to perform fellatio on him. Do I blame him for this stereotyping?

The Fearful Sajid Mahmood! (Abdul Razzaq, duck for cover!)

2006-09-09T16:36:00.000+08:00

Need I say more?

Inzamam Ul Daq

2006-08-30T22:00:00.000+08:00

I do realize this is possibly one of the worst pieces of photo-editing in history, but that's what this blog is all about - promoting stupid, crappy posters that most people wouldn't even use as toilet paper, because they don't want ink on their asses.

Yes, dis shizzz izz wakkk, nigga! The new Inzamam-ul-Duck toy. Dayyum. What's next? Inzamam-ul-Faq, the overweight cricket sex doll with a big Kashmir willow bat?

Thank God Darrell Hair isn't Chinese, or we'd be having roast Daq for dinner tonight, eh?

Dr. Bhajji Lykes Dem Dykes

2006-07-09T10:06:00.000+08:00

Pictured here is Indian cricketer and offspinner, Harbhajan Singh, using his superior Krypton-'lite' visionary faculties to test this stereotypical carpet-muncher for breast cancer.

Hey Ho Nuts, Meet Dunkin' Donuts

2006-04-17T22:49:00.000+08:00

Copyright infringement. ??
No sir.

Right. So this is English cricket coach Duncan Fletcher. We've brought you many fake tales about him, and here's another one to add to your collection...

After the English cricket team's dismal performance in India, the coach not only received death threats from some Anglo Indian septuagenarians, but was also unceremoniously dismissed by the ECB. Left with no alternative, or job, his mortgage spiraling out of control, little Duncan was left with no choice but to take to the streets - playing street-ball. I mean, it was almost like destiny had come full circle - Dunkin Fetcher was finally who he was named to be - a top notch hoopster.

Duncan's A Special Chai-ld

2006-04-17T22:31:00.000+08:00

Seen here are English bowler I Am FlunkItt and coach Jhankaar Stretcher, trying out a new magic potion - CHAI TEA - to revive the sagging spirits of England's One Day cricket team.

Now, I have more than one complaint here.
- First off, CHAI=TEA=CHAI (chai=tea in HINDI), so WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK IS CHAI TEA? Its like saying, ummm "Hi, Hello", or, "Water Pani".
- Cricinfo has a new "caption this picture" contest. What fucking copycats. Okay, I get some really neat pics off these guys, but I don't steal their ideas. On another note, it might not be that bad - on a site like that, they can't afford to be as rude and outrageous as we can.
I forgot what the last one was, but I do have the Duncan's Special Chai story...
A long time ago, when I was a young warthog, I used to watch BoreDarshan, India's state-owned, state-sponsored, propaganda machine, and television channel, where this one really annoying ad jingle was that of...you guessed it...Duncan's Special Chai. I think they wanted to say "Duncan's A Special Chai-ld"...

Who Wants To Be An Austrillionaire?

2006-04-05T18:11:00.000+08:00

Hey kids, when I first moved to Australia from India, I hated it. Over time, I've begun hating India, so much that when Australia plays India, I don the green and yellow paint, and boo the Indian cricketers till I'm kicked out of the ground for misbehaviour.

Anyway, my hard work has borne its fruit. India not only has an Aussie cricket coach in Greg Chappell, but Indian players are becoming more and more like us Aussies! The only problem is, they think jumping like a kangaroo will make them a true cricketaroo. Won't it?