Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Michael Yawn, English Cricket Captain

Michael Vaughan, Matthew Hoggard, and Coach Duncan Fletcher

There is talk of English cricket captain, Michael Vaughan and his band of merry umm cricketers being better prepared than ever to conquer the final frontier - ennui. Coach Duncan Fletcher has come up with the perfect solution - spending your day on simulation games and porn sites.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

LardLa (Bring Me The 'Beloved' Animal Fat)

Graeme Smith Looks Like A Granny Smith Apple
Is South African cricket captain, Graeme Smith turning into a Granny Smith Apple (rotund, and green)? Former South African captain and Australian vassal, Kepler Wessels thinks so.

Listen to Shaun Pollock, Graeme, and stop drinking lard. Bring him some Gatorade, vassal Wessel(s).

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Liz Kemp, I've Got The Hemp

Man, the good thing about Brett Lee is that he didn't marry his "partner", Liz Kemp, which means that fat, ugly, horny cows like me are free to fantasize about her. Now, I do wish they'd publish more pictures of her in the media, but that wouldn't let her remain as special as she is right now. Right boys?

Anyway, lets go back to my past, when I was a sprightly young calf, growing up in the Third World, strolling on roads, fighting for my space with stupid Maruti Suzuki matchboxes people said were cars. One day, my owner brought home a television - it was educational, because the only channel we received was BoreDarshan, on which my favorite show was Krishi Darshan. Suddenly, in the 90s, came Sitar TV, not sponsored, or endorsed by Pandit Ravi Skunker, or his Medusa-like doll of a daughter, Matyrushka. Yeah, so that's when I first saw the likes of Pamela Bandarson and Jenny Nathkhatti on BabeWatch and MTV (MoociliciousTransVestites) respectively, which led me to the most important decision of my young life - if I was ever going to lose my virginity, it would be to a blonde bombshell. And she had to be Caucasian, like my forefathers. No fake blondes like Amisha Phatel for me - I like the real thing.
Ru-Paul. I miss you.
Ceteris Paribus.

Brett Lee's Girlfriend, Liz Kemp. Yummy.

Yeah, yeah, I know this is not a very happy picture, and depicts a sick mind, but hey, I can't afford a shrink, or hospital treatment for that matter. So please don't tell Brett Lee I want to root his girlfriend (Liz Kemp, Lets Smoke Hemp). Ending up as a Whopper© at Burger Fink is my second worst nightmare, the worst being Matty GrayHen eating the Whopper me.

PS: Bollywood scriptwriters - pay attention! Demented Indian clerk, crazy about cricket, and cricketers' wives/girlfriends :-O Can you sense my excitement? We're talking a potential Bollywood blockbuster!

PPS/PS2: Has Shane Warne finally become Sane Warne? See this picture - what a lovely little girl(Brooke Warne), what a good daddy. Simone Warne, BOO.