Flake IPL Players

Man, so much for liberty, equality and fraternity. This Fake IPL dude writes funnier shit than me. And, he's got insider info on IPL - works for me, because my pubes are out of control. WTF? There goes equality out of the cricketing satire window. Then there's the perplexing matter of whether Mandira Baby IS the Deep Throat, or whether Mandira GIVES Deep Throat? Is that even propah grammar? Who cares - IPL is a form of cricket followed by illiterate Indians anyway. Preserve your Queen's for a tougher day.

Anyway, who cares who this dude is, as long as he makes an ass of himself, or gives us a tidbit or two to chuckle over. I am annoyed with the nicknames he gives players though - they're too - ummm - KOSHER! My list of alternative nicknames for IPL personalities:

• John Buchanan (Bhooka Naan): Duke Canon would've been my name - coz he's a gun coach. And the world can kiss my chaddhis for all I care - Buck is God.
  
• Saurav Ganguly (Lord Almighty): WTF? What kinda insult is Lord Almighty meant to be? Huh? I reckon Soreass ManBully is more vicious, AND also that the ass-raiding crybaby is this Fake IPL Player himself.
• Kevin Pietersen (Peter Ka Beta): BORING!!!! Cave-In (under pressure) Cheaterson.
• Shane Warne (Sheikh of Tweak): Is this a take on Sultan of Swing? YAWN! Mane Yawn. Coz he's all about his fake hair, and he puts me to sleep with his wannabe bad-boy antics, only to end up at the Allan Border medal with his sweet daughter.
  
• Shantakumar Sreesanth (Appam Chutiya): Okay, in true populist style, you coin a nickname with a swear word, and India's low IQed population goes, "brilliant, why didn't I think of that?". Being an Indian cow, but with a trace of Jersey blood in me, I'd go with FreeCanth (rhyming with CUNT). On second thoughts, Appam Chutiya sounds better.
  
• Mandira Bedi (Sandy Something Babe): Sandy? Who wants a SANDY babe? I say, Randy-RRRR Bebi

Well, that's about all my bovine brain can handle at this stage. I leave you with Crybaby Breakdancer, Freecunt and Sho Ape Fuckthar, comparing notes on penis size, and how to create illusions of crotchly grandeur by means of wearing your sister's skin-tight jeans.

Sharkfin Fins and Forthcumming Slut Tyres

Hear, hear.

I understand how assorted currymunchers feel about Sachin Tendulkar, especially sexually, but this guy takes it to a new level altogether - Praveen SR is his name, and I guess he caught me on a bad hair day.



Please note that as of April 9th, Praveen won't be cumming in front of a computer. I can only assume he's opted for the backdoor option.

Harbhadance Singh?

Laddies and Gentlewanks,
It has been nearly two years since I posted on this blog. When Bob Woolmer died in mysterious circumstances in the West Indies during the ICC World Cup of 2007, I lost all interest in cricket, and my appetite for cricketing satire.

Since then, world cricket has evolved greatly, even as my favourite team, Australia, are in a rebuilding phase and haven't had the success of the past. Woolmer's death was written off as natural, even though I firmly believe he was murdered - but that's beyond the scope of this blog.

Back to our regular transmission, since the self-imposed exile/sabattical - I present to you, Bollywood belly dancer, Harbhadance Singh...



From his belly size, it is evident that Harbhajan has been digging into plenty of tandoori chickens and ghee-laced naans, in anticipation of the tough Kiwi conditions. Daniel Vettori beware!

R.I.P. Bob Woolmer

Why Animal Lovers Should Support Cricket...

Disclaimer: This is a pubic service massage.
Here is Kevin.
Kevin Pietersen.
He is a rare cocksucker cockatoo from remote South Africa who was brought over to England because of his uncanny ability as a battyboybatsman. A birdie batsman, you might ask? Yes, as long as you're not a duck, you're in luck.




Watch cricket. Save endangered species like Kevin, the cocksucker "Cockatoo" Pietersen.

Mohammed Yousuf And The Cross Of Changes

The batsman formerly known as Yousuf Youhana might not realize it, but converting to Islam and walking around looking like an Osama Bin Laden clone isn't the key to his recent batting success. No sir, no bowler's intimidated by your Osama look, bar the Aussie pace quartet, who, in recent times, find even #10 dummies a handful to contend with.

Anyway, if you look carefully at this picture, you will see that Mohammed Yousuf might have given the Christianity the boot, but Jebus Christ always watches over him. I think Jebus might have an obsessive personality. Like me. Now, I'm off to chart a strategy on how I'm going to convert Jebus into a cow-worshipping Hinjew.