A Fist of Joodi :-O ; Wing Chun in Cricket

Human pest, Ha Ba Yansin, disciple of the esteemed Wing Chun sifu, Yip Man, is seen dislodging Growl Rabid with the classic "one-inch-punch", after Rabid called him "Joodi Garland". Joodi Garland. Get it?

Back-dated post.

The Strange Case of 'Butterfingers' Pietersen

Observer A) Here is pretty white boy, Kevin Cheaterson who couldn't take competition from under-nourished, aspiring Black cricketers in South Africa, resulting in him moving to England. It is said that a patriotic South African bitch-doctor cast a spell on Cheaterson, causing him to drop more catches than he has held in Test cricket. Seen here is Cheaterson glaring at a footy ball, tossed at him by Coach Duncan Fletcher, wondering what the coach wants him to do with it. Catch, you fuckwit, CATCH IT.

Observer B) If you keep glaring at Caprice's boobies, your catching tally will remain at ZERO-ZILCH-NADA, Cave-in Cheaterson.

Big Baby Flintoff Sleeps in ICC PJs :-O

Well, what do we have here!
Graeme Smith's "big baby", Manbrew Glintoff, sleeps in his bebe-blue ICC pyjamas, holding a cricket bat to ward off witches, ghosts and Aussie predators. How cute :-)
As my Indian fraand would say, "muah Glintu".

Rock a bye Glintoff,
On the Knee of Darren Gough,

When the Wind Blows,
An Aussie wicket will fall...

Future Indian Captain, Fowl Aphid with Ousted Indian Captain, Soreass Gaandguly

Soreass G: Yo Aphid, lemme show you my injured tennis elbow.
Fowl Aphid: Mate, does it look like I give a flying fuck? I'm the captain now. Piss off, knucklehead.

OMG - Its That Space-Age Cricket Bat AGAIN!

Seen here is Aussie captain, Tricky Daunting, or as my little brother used to call him (back when he, my brother, not Daunting, was little), Pinky Pointing, sending a secret message to the Australian Cricket Operations Center, requesting for a replacement space age cricket bat-tlegun. Now, all is fair in love and war, right? So what the fuck were those dirty Poms cribbing about?

Gandguly Threatens Her-Fan Fat-Anne

Shiiiiit. Seems like Soreass Gaandguly is really pissed off with Pathan here. Our stump microphone picked this up for you:
SG: Yo, you fucking Mullah. You wanna be dropped like Mohammed Kaif, your terrorshit bro?
IP: That's uncalled for, Gaandguly Daddoo (as in Praying Mantis, not Grandpaw).
SG: Well Fat-Anne, if you don't stop stealing the limelight from me, I'm gonna dob on you. And Uncle Mugmoan Dolmio's gonna give you the boot, OKAY?
IP: *sobs*
Don't cry Fat-Anne. You're India's only hope.

Soreass Gaandguly Experiences the Dreaded "Wanker's Wrist".

Taking a cue from The Prodigy single, "Funky Shit", the Indian team was heard chanting,
"OH MY GOD IT'S THE WANKER'S WRIST!!".

Growl Rabid is seen soothing Gaandguly, whilst Coach Chappal is blasting him over not using his own wrist enough to wank himself, hence causing it to weaken considerably. Bloody Nagma.

Eco-friendly Recycler, Brenda Say-Dag

Observer A) I had a vision this morning. A vision of Morarji Desai. And I asked him, "Morarji, why did you banish Coca Cola from India". To which he replied, "Because I wanted to inculcate the spirit of recycling your own body waste and drinking a carbonated version of it, to avoid our dependence on American MNCs, which would help reverse the trade balance in our favor". Fair enough, Pisserji. No wonder you never won the Nobel Prize for Economics.

Anyway, so up above, we have this player (I mean, advertisement actor) from the Indian cricket team, who has banished energy drinks (but not empty energy drink bottles, since he believes in recycling First World plastic) from his diet, to become the Prime Minister of the Indian cricket team. Yes, it is your beloved dehati, over-rated pinch-hitter, Mr. Virender Sehwag, who is telling Coach Chappall, "firangi saaley, botal bhar ke aata hoon".

Observer B) Crappy Indian and World XI batsman, Virender Sehwag tries some Victoria Bitter in a Gatorade bottle, hoping to escape being discplined (for drinking), and to revive his perenially sagging form. Veeru was overheard saying "Australia kya bakwaas desh hai yaar - ek bhi daaru ka theka nahin hai yahan". Bottleshop, Veeru, bottleshop.

Does Dodger Madeira Have Too Much Money?

A hiatus from cricket...
Observer A) Supposedly charismatic ATP world #1 male tennis player, Dodger Madeira has gone to the extent of getting boob implants to be ahead of the pack in terms of popularity. Also visible through that pretty shirt are Dodger's multiple nipples. Freak of nature.

Observer B) Roger Federer complains of sagging, aching boobies after being defeated by the other booby wonder, Anna Kournikova. (Wow, she won a match?)

If you're wondering, Observer A and B are both me - maybe I should change the tagging to "Observation" - but then the blog wouldn't sound professional and collaborative enough. Teamwork is of the essence in world sport - and who'd know it better than me?!

Donkey Rides Ntini

Observer A) After making an ass out of the whole world (especially the South African judiciary), in his little-publicised ostrich-rape case, South African bowler Makhaya Ntini is seen with his long-lost brother, Donk.E Ntini. Mr. Donk. E doesn't seem too pleased with the fact that he's being photographed with a convicted rapist. Neither would you be. Would you?

I think I need to cover other sports, because cricket is getting on my nerves. We need some girls around this part of the webbed world. :-( Yes, lets make fun of the Lesbian PGA.

Observer B) Serial rapist, Papaya Ntini is captured indulging in ritual bestiality and sodomy. Houston, we have a problem.