Future Indian Captain, Fowl Aphid with Ousted Indian Captain, Soreass Gaandguly

Soreass G: Yo Aphid, lemme show you my injured tennis elbow.
Fowl Aphid: Mate, does it look like I give a flying fuck? I'm the captain now. Piss off, knucklehead.

Gandguly Threatens Her-Fan Fat-Anne

Shiiiiit. Seems like Soreass Gaandguly is really pissed off with Pathan here. Our stump microphone picked this up for you:
SG: Yo, you fucking Mullah. You wanna be dropped like Mohammed Kaif, your terrorshit bro?
IP: That's uncalled for, Gaandguly Daddoo (as in Praying Mantis, not Grandpaw).
SG: Well Fat-Anne, if you don't stop stealing the limelight from me, I'm gonna dob on you. And Uncle Mugmoan Dolmio's gonna give you the boot, OKAY?
IP: *sobs*
Don't cry Fat-Anne. You're India's only hope.

Soreass Gaandguly Experiences the Dreaded "Wanker's Wrist".

Taking a cue from The Prodigy single, "Funky Shit", the Indian team was heard chanting,
"OH MY GOD IT'S THE WANKER'S WRIST!!".

Growl Rabid is seen soothing Gaandguly, whilst Coach Chappal is blasting him over not using his own wrist enough to wank himself, hence causing it to weaken considerably. Bloody Nagma.

Saurav Gandguly - Viagra Tiagra - err, Tiger, (Royal Bengal)

Observer A) Saurav Gandguly punches the living daylights out of his pint-sized twinkie. On a related note, am I glad I'm not Saurav's penis or what!

At a later interview, Gandguly had this to say to us:
SG: Before this game, Nagma asked me to step down as her lover, because I had not been performing in bed for a while. To get back at me, Coach Greg Chappall poisoned my Patiala peg with Viagra he stole from a Ugandan woman in remote Siberia. But, I had the last word, as my hard-on proved to the the wide world of sport (eat your heart out, Richie Bhenchod). I even have physio Gloster's report on my ability to have erections. Uncle MugMoan Dolmio (who leads a secret life as a bottle of pasta sauce when he's not pretending to run the world of cricket) will attest to this, since I serviced him myself this moaning - uh morning.

Doesn't Indian cricket just make you feel so warm and fuzzy?

Observer B) This picture of Stirrup Jhaantgilly doing the "Tribal Dance" (see lyrics below) affirms media reports of tribalism in the Indian camp.
"Feel the force, this is your chance
To get control and do the tribal dance
People started dancing a long time ago
The bass was fast, but then again it was slow
Soul, house, hip-hop and blues
It doesn't really matter which music you choose
Start up a dance this is your chance
To come with me and do the tribal dance!"

Saurav Gandguly, Very Vussy Southie Laxman, and Herbie Dancing

Look mommie, its Gandguly and his merry band of overachieving, fitter than the fittest, cricketing legend wannabes.