Who Wants To Be An Austrillionaire?

Hey kids, when I first moved to Australia from India, I hated it. Over time, I've begun hating India, so much that when Australia plays India, I don the green and yellow paint, and boo the Indian cricketers till I'm kicked out of the ground for misbehaviour.



Anyway, my hard work has borne its fruit. India not only has an Aussie cricket coach in Greg Chappell, but Indian players are becoming more and more like us Aussies! The only problem is, they think jumping like a kangaroo will make them a true cricketaroo. Won't it?

The Sheep Can Wait, Says Crazy Billy

Seems like Rianna Ponting, Australian cricket captain, Ricky Ponting's law graduate blonde-bombshell wife whipped up a 7 course meal for anti-Aussie "elite" umpire, New Zealander, Billy Bowden. But our friend Ricky seems to forget that only he's got a day off from the cricket - not Bowden!

Something's wrong with these Kiwis - when a hot chick [who cares if she's married] invites me to go grazing with her, I put a stop to my world, just for her. Just for her. Billi, you're a pussy [for our English readers, Billi=Pussycat in Hindi].

Happy Australia Day mateys.
This Australia Day, lets roast umpires instead of traditional meats, because honestly, they're becoming pains in the asses. Where's a serial killer when you need one?

Coach Greg Chappell To Morph Into A Sacred Football!

Crazed Bengali soccer fans have urged the Board of Control for Cricket In India to hire ISRO and udder scientists to assist in creating a soccer ball made from Graaaag Chapel, holy shit.



Yes, they want to skin him alive, and then create a true Communist foosball. Please Greg, come back to Australia. You don't want to be another Graham Staines, Padma Shri notwithstanding.

I really like people like this - they save me the 5 odd minutes I waste on image manipulation and adding silly taglines to sillier pictures.

What Makes Anil Kumble Such A Great Catcher?

Over the past few years, one of life's greatest pleasures has been watching the markedly improved efforts of the Indian cricket team on the fielding front. Seen here is superstar legspinner, Anal Krumbly, trying to scare the ball away instead of letting the ball have the - uh - upper hand, y'know.

Saurav Gandguly - Viagra Tiagra - err, Tiger, (Royal Bengal)

Observer A) Saurav Gandguly punches the living daylights out of his pint-sized twinkie. On a related note, am I glad I'm not Saurav's penis or what!

At a later interview, Gandguly had this to say to us:
SG: Before this game, Nagma asked me to step down as her lover, because I had not been performing in bed for a while. To get back at me, Coach Greg Chappall poisoned my Patiala peg with Viagra he stole from a Ugandan woman in remote Siberia. But, I had the last word, as my hard-on proved to the the wide world of sport (eat your heart out, Richie Bhenchod). I even have physio Gloster's report on my ability to have erections. Uncle MugMoan Dolmio (who leads a secret life as a bottle of pasta sauce when he's not pretending to run the world of cricket) will attest to this, since I serviced him myself this moaning - uh morning.

Doesn't Indian cricket just make you feel so warm and fuzzy?

Observer B) This picture of Stirrup Jhaantgilly doing the "Tribal Dance" (see lyrics below) affirms media reports of tribalism in the Indian camp.
"Feel the force, this is your chance
To get control and do the tribal dance
People started dancing a long time ago
The bass was fast, but then again it was slow
Soul, house, hip-hop and blues
It doesn't really matter which music you choose
Start up a dance this is your chance
To come with me and do the tribal dance!"

Michael Vaughan Gets Shot At With Donkey-Piss Canons by Crazed and Disillusioned Indo-Aussie Fans

Observer A) After ManBrew GlintOff's shocking revelation that psychopathic Indian fans tried killing him with plastic (get a LIFE GlintOff - the only pellets you get in India are made out of COWDUNG) pellets whilst he was patrolling one of the boundaries (why would you ever do that? No Indian batsman hits a ball beyond the inner circle, mate), here's what Google found for us - Cycle Con (or whatever his surname rhymes with) is getting shot at with donkey-piss canons by crazed Australian born Indian fans, who want revenge for the twin Indian and Australian defeats the Pommie poofs subjected their teams to.
Observer B) Unable to control his excitement, spastic English captain, Michael Vaughan manages to hurt himself with the Ashes trophy. Ouch.