Snuff Movies and Cricket - Not Another Shane Warne Sex Scandal!

I was once told, the only people who can afford snuff are the same ones who can buy their way out of jail. Not much of a quote, eh?

Seen here are Aussie leg-spinner, Shane Warne, with possibly the world's lousiest spin doctor, South African cricket captain, and massive wanker, Graeme Smith.



We know of Mr. Warne's propensity to get entangled in complex webs of sex and deceit, but little did we know what these guys were talking about when their press conferences frequently referenced "choking". Michael Hutchence/"autoerotic" asphyxiation revisited.

For Mridulaji.

What's With Khans and Shirts, Huh?

Seriously mate, what's this shit with Khans and shirts? First we have Shoe Rack, who likes wearing women's tops - then there's shirtless Salman, who has a very valid excuse in his lawyer gobbling all his money to settle the zillion cases and lawsuits against him - but what about Pakistani cricketer, Younis Khan?

I understand cricketers these days party hard. Like 3 odd years back, when India was in Australia, I saw Zaheer and gang banging our friend, the ABCD Draupadi. Maybe not banging, but I'm sure they got around to it. She was that kind of girl - yes, she'd even sleep with a useless, crappy satirist-wannabe like me.



Anyway, notice this guy's shirt. He's an international cricketer, at a pre-series trophy display ceremony or something. Dravid's in his team colors, but Younis seems all set for a night out in the nightclubs (seriously, I'm sure Porkistan has a few) of Karachi, or wherever this picture was taken.

So you see kids, Pakistan lost the ODI series even before it started.

Michael Yawn, English Cricket Captain

There is talk of English cricket captain, Michael Vaughan and his band of merry umm cricketers being better prepared than ever to conquer the final frontier - ennui. Coach Duncan Fletcher has come up with the perfect solution - spending your day on simulation games and porn sites.

LardLa (Bring Me The 'Beloved' Animal Fat)

Is South African cricket captain, Graeme Smith turning into a Granny Smith Apple (rotund, and green)? Former South African captain and Australian vassal, Kepler Wessels thinks so.

Listen to Shaun Pollock, Graeme, and stop drinking lard. Bring him some Gatorade, vassal Wessel(s).

Liz Kemp, I've Got The Hemp

Man, the good thing about Brett Lee is that he didn't marry his "partner", Liz Kemp, which means that fat, ugly, horny cows like me are free to fantasize about her. Now, I do wish they'd publish more pictures of her in the media, but that wouldn't let her remain as special as she is right now. Right boys?

Anyway, lets go back to my past, when I was a sprightly young calf, growing up in the Third World, strolling on roads, fighting for my space with stupid Maruti Suzuki matchboxes people said were cars. One day, my owner brought home a television - it was educational, because the only channel we received was BoreDarshan, on which my favorite show was Krishi Darshan. Suddenly, in the 90s, came Sitar TV, not sponsored, or endorsed by Pandit Ravi Skunker, or his Medusa-like doll of a daughter, Matyrushka. Yeah, so that's when I first saw the likes of Pamela Bandarson and Jenny Nathkhatti on BabeWatch and MTV (MoociliciousTransVestites) respectively, which led me to the most important decision of my young life - if I was ever going to lose my virginity, it would be to a blonde bombshell. And she had to be Caucasian, like my forefathers. No fake blondes like Amisha Phatel for me - I like the real thing.
Ru-Paul. I miss you.
Ceteris Paribus.



Yeah, yeah, I know this is not a very happy picture, and depicts a sick mind, but hey, I can't afford a shrink, or hospital treatment for that matter. So please don't tell Brett Lee I want to root his girlfriend (Liz Kemp, Lets Smoke Hemp). Ending up as a Whopper© at Burger Fink is my second worst nightmare, the worst being Matty GrayHen eating the Whopper me.

PS: Bollywood scriptwriters - pay attention! Demented Indian clerk, crazy about cricket, and cricketers' wives/girlfriends :-O Can you sense my excitement? We're talking a potential Bollywood blockbuster!

PPS/PS2: Has Shane Warne finally become Sane Warne? See this picture - what a lovely little girl(Brooke Warne), what a good daddy. Simone Warne, BOO.