Grunt Moans Bitter In Victoria

I've been really busy playing massive DJ mixes to myself and my goldfish. In the time I've been away, I find that other cricket blogs are now using the same image distortion techniques as myself to try and match my notoriety. Look mates, cricket blogs are meant to be dignified, with this one being the sole exception to the case. Cow Tse Tung very angry. But that's another story for another day.

Today, we see England's extraordinarily ordinary wicket-keeper, Grunt Moans, in his new role as beer-keeper for the Barmy Army. His luck has finally run out on him, as has Coach Dunkin' Stretcher. So, as he watches the English squad prepare for the 4th Ashes Test, Geraint, bitter in Victoria, holds a Victoria Bitter (possibly the worst tasting beer on Earth, excuse my patriotism). I'd distort and twist and make even more fun of Geraint Jones' name, but I don't really know how to pronounce it. Ignorance is bliss and a whole let less work w.r.t. compiling posts like this.

And Then There Was Steve Harmison and Some Disgraceful Ball Tamponing

I've been too busy watching Australia fucking whip England, so, apologies for this delayed Ashes coverage...

As if this whole Shane Warne moob incident wasn't scandalous enough, we then captured Steve Harmison trying that whole Ball Tamponing business by using his lactating breasts to squirt some of his erm, FLUIDS on to the cricket ball. This game is no longer a gentleman's game...all these boobs and lactation. I feel lactose intolerant. Darn that. Never thought I'd say this - go away Pamela Anderson wannabes. :-(

Shane Warne Fondling His Moobs...

Man, what a disgrace of a cricket match. England rendered Shane in the ass Warne ineffective, or so they'd like to believe, and their teddy-bear of a bowler, Matthew Hughard is the most successful of the bowlers.



But here, at Cow Tse Tung Centre for Sports Anal-i-Cys(t), we have found out the real reason as to why Shane couldn't perform to his optimum. The team had a blanket ban on sex, and Warne, as we very well know, can't function without, erm, functioning. His ball release depends on his erm, release. Damn this chick...behind every failing man is a, erm, WENCH (for want of a politer word). Damn Warney, stop playing with ze moobs.