Porky Pigs

Damn man, these Porkistani cricketers are worse than that dude John Kerry, who was dishing out free Heinz Big Red tomato sauce (he imported it from Australia, dumbasses) to people in 2004 A.D., in order to get their support for his bid for presidentship of the United States. The dude even splurted some Big Red on his military uniform and then asked me to doctor his Vietnam pictures so people would think the dogs of war, whatever that means, bit him and made him rabid enough to desert the world's greatest barmy army, the US (b)Army. HUA? HUA! (I'm still suffering from a Black Hawk Down Hangover.)

First, InstamomUl Hugs throws a tantrum because the dumbpire, Barrel of (pubic) Hair decides Instamom was responsible for his band of fast bowlers tamponing the ball. You might ask what Ball Tamponing is...well kids, its this practice of rubbing your balls and then the cricket ball with uh, used tampons from the biohazard wastebins. Disgusting, isn't it? I'm with Dumbpire Hair on this one - cricket doesn't need menstrual blood on Kookaburras. This world is sexualized enough. Leave cricket alone. Ban the likes of Mandira Baby from even watching cricket, uh, YO!

Anyway, seen here are Pakistani cricket coach, Bob Woolmer, the Walrus, and the now-you-see-me-now-you-don't Younis Khan. Last year it was Greg Chappal vs Soreass Gaandguly. This year, we have Scarier Khan Vs. YouPiss Khan.



And if you think I'm a faux-psychologist, bite me - coz, I've said this ages back - Younis Khan is unfit to captain an international cricket team. Q.E.D., Cow Tse Tung M.D. is greater than Singhmund Fried.

Hey Ho Nuts, Meet Dunkin' Donuts

Copyright infringement. ??
No sir.



Right. So this is English cricket coach Duncan Fletcher. We've brought you many fake tales about him, and here's another one to add to your collection...

After the English cricket team's dismal performance in India, the coach not only received death threats from some Anglo Indian septuagenarians, but was also unceremoniously dismissed by the ECB. Left with no alternative, or job, his mortgage spiraling out of control, little Duncan was left with no choice but to take to the streets - playing street-ball. I mean, it was almost like destiny had come full circle - Dunkin Fetcher was finally who he was named to be - a top notch hoopster.