Friday, September 30, 2005

Saurav Gandguly - Viagra Tiagra - err, Tiger, (Royal Bengal)

Observer A) Saurav Gandguly punches the living daylights out of his pint-sized twinkie. On a related note, am I glad I'm not Saurav's penis or what!

At a later interview, Gandguly had this to say to us:
SG: Before this game, Nagma asked me to step down as her lover, because I had not been performing in bed for a while. To get back at me, Coach Greg Chappall poisoned my Patiala peg with Viagra he stole from a Ugandan woman in remote Siberia. But, I had the last word, as my hard-on proved to the the wide world of sport (eat your heart out, Richie Bhenchod). I even have physio Gloster's report on my ability to have erections. Uncle MugMoan Dolmio (who leads a secret life as a bottle of pasta sauce when he's not pretending to run the world of cricket) will attest to this, since I serviced him myself this moaning - uh morning.

Doesn't Indian cricket just make you feel so warm and fuzzy?

Observer B) This picture of Stirrup Jhaantgilly doing the "Tribal Dance" (see lyrics below) affirms media reports of tribalism in the Indian camp.
"Feel the force, this is your chance
To get control and do the tribal dance
People started dancing a long time ago
The bass was fast, but then again it was slow
Soul, house, hip-hop and blues
It doesn't really matter which music you choose
Start up a dance this is your chance
To come with me and do the tribal dance!"

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Michael Vaughan Gets Shot At With Donkey-Piss Canons by Crazed and Disillusioned Indo-Aussie Fans

Observer A) After ManBrew GlintOff's shocking revelation that psychopathic Indian fans tried killing him with plastic (get a LIFE GlintOff - the only pellets you get in India are made out of COWDUNG) pellets whilst he was patrolling one of the boundaries (why would you ever do that? No Indian batsman hits a ball beyond the inner circle, mate), here's what Google found for us - Cycle Con (or whatever his surname rhymes with) is getting shot at with donkey-piss canons by crazed Australian born Indian fans, who want revenge for the twin Indian and Australian defeats the Pommie poofs subjected their teams to.
Observer B) Unable to control his excitement, spastic English captain, Michael Vaughan manages to hurt himself with the Ashes trophy. Ouch.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

You're Such A Shane In The Ass

Shane Warne grills some of the excess flab from his stomach and buttocks, and pours authentic Aussie beer over those chunks of pure human fat to say goodbye to his former meaty self. I love that Haitian touch, and the focus on healthy eating. Go Warney!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

SharkFin TenderCurd, Bat Yourself Out of THIS Soup!

Observer A) My local Chinese restaurateur, in an effort to please an irate and impatient customer like me, brought me a free serving of SharkFin TenderCurd soup. Sans the damaged elbow, of course.
Observer B) SuckChin Candlenerd IS participating in the Souper Series!

Hashish Nehra Sticks it Out For The Trainer

Now, I know I've overdone the gay jokes, but that's as far as my creativity goes. In the photograph above, Hashish Nehra, famous Indian cricketer and druggieboy, with mysterious "aches in the buttock" is seen ummm "training" under the able guidance of some firangi dude.

The Vicious Side Of Copyright Law. Ouch.

Muralitharan threatens Murali Karthik with a copyright case and a broken head- there can only be one spinner called Murali in world cricket.
MM: Abhey, Kookaburra ball khopdi par maaroon kya chappantikli?

Cricket and Gay Rights

Simon Jones professes his undying love to Ashley Giles
Victories strengthen relationships between players. Here are my favorite English bowlers, Ashley Giles and Simon Jones.
SJ : "You're the bestest husband in the world, Ashley".
AG : "I love you too Simon - uh Simone".
SJ : "I'm not Mrs. Warne, Ashley!"
AG : "No darling, you're prettier."
SJ : "And you're a better spinner than Shane, sweety".
*Sigh*. Love is blind.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Mohammed Azharuddin Gets Back To The Basics

Azhar returns to the back alleys of Cyberabad, and terrorizes young kids with his own take on batting effectively - for bookies.

Excerpt from a related interview:
CTT: Why were you guiding the ball on to your stumps?
A Jharoo Deen: I want to make sure that when I return to the team, I can get out without looking too suspicious.
CTT: And why would you want to get out?
A Jharoo Deen: Are you dumb or what? The Indian team doesn't win any tournaments - the only way for us is to excel at what we do, to maintain our form. And that's about LOSING MATCHES. I need to make sure I can feed Sangeeta imported caviar tomorrow, okay? Don't try to teach me how to run my finances.