Barmy Harmy Working On His Fitness

Man, I truly thought Steve Harmison had more to him than he's shown us on this tour. I mean, I've been his fitness trainer for months now. We've been lifting candy floss and flossing our teeth non-stop to prepare for this very Ashes series. And now, our collective dream is in shambles. Damn those Aussies. Let me show you a picture of my beloved Harmy diligently undergoing my acclaimed fitness program for cricketers...



He's NOT busting a cheerleader move. For God's sake, you ignoramuses and hippopotamuses. A song comes to mind..."Candy Perfume Girl" by the evergreen crackhoe, Madonna.



So, on the day that we hear of Shane Warne's definite and Glenn McGrath's tentative retirement plans, what does Steve Harmibum go and do? He announces he's "retiring" from ODIs. Correct me if I'm mistaken, but he's just 28, right? All my years of hard work and toil have gone down the drain. I was hoping Harmy would show some grit and determination, and master the art of ODI bowling. But well...

England, like India is a team that rewards mediocrity, because excellence is unknown, or requires way too much movement away from one's comfort zones. Look at Pakistan. Afridi "retires" from Tests, and he gets dropped from the ODI squad. Gotta earn your stripes son, gotta earn your stripes.